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A gift you won't find under the tree

12/1/2016

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Image Credit: Crista Ballard Photography 
Originally published in the December 2016 edition of 605 Magazine. 


It’s here. You can feel it, smell it in the air. The Christmas gift buying and receiving frenzy has begun. Actually, it probably began sometime back in September according to Hobby Lobby’s inventory stock, but for many of us, this month of December is really when the gifting fervor reaches its peak. If you’ve been reading this column for any amount of time, you know, I am extra passionate about making sure the meaning of Christmas isn’t usurped by presents. I limit the gifts we give and I place strong emphasis on the faith component and try to amp up excitement surrounding giving to others versus receiving only for ourselves.

Well, in true tell-all fashion, I have to admit, based off of a conversation I had with my five-year-old last night … I thought for a moment we were completely and utterly failing miserably.

I was playing with my daughter in our living room with a nativity scene we brought out and we were talking about Christmas and the conversation went something like this:

“I really like your placement of baby Jesus on the roof of the manger, honey.”
“Thanks, Mommy!” She said as she took him off the roof and put him outside by the cow trough. I laughed.
“Um, Mommy, in this nativity scene, where are all the presents?”
“Well, baby Jesus is the present, honey and you know, Christmas isn’t just about presents …”
“Yes, it is, Mommy!”
“No, honey, it’s about God’s gift to the world and that gift ---”
“Is a gift, a present? ”
“Yes! A gift is a present and we give each other presents to represent --”
“Yay, presents! I LOVE presents. I hope I get presents this Christmas.”

It was at that point, I realized I wasn’t going to win any sort of philosophical argument with her while we sat playing with the nativity scene. I decided to switch directions and go with her train of thought and then steer it back to the meaning of Christmas when the time was right. So, I said, “I love presents too, honey, is there something you really want for Christmas this year?”

I cringed as I awaited her answer. I anticipated a long list of toys, dolls, Play Doh or a new thing she may have seen on TV.  As I waited, I wondered how I was going to make this a perfect Full House parenting moment complete with awful sappy music and spin the conversation back on the joy of giving. I watched as she took the angel and placed it on a camel’s back and giggled. Then, she nonchalantly said, “Remember when you and I went on our special trip, just me and you? When you did my hair, we watched movies together, and we had a slumber party? I want that for Christmas.”

I looked at her as she said this and her words sliced straight through me and gripped my heart. See, a few weeks ago, on a whim, I took my daughter on a special mother-daughter weekend down to see my sister-in-law ride in a horse show in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Ever since my son was born and with the drama that went with his possible (and thank God, negative) health scare, my daughter and I haven’t had any long moments of one-on-one time together. So, when I heard about the horse show in Tulsa, I seized the opportunity and we went. We had a truly wonderful time; eating junk food, petting horses, watching movies, doing each other’s hair and makeup, sleeping in, etc. But I didn’t realize just how wonderful our time together was until this exchange.

“You want to do that trip again, Avi?”
“Yes, Mommy! Can we? Can we? That’s what I want for Christmas!”

Here I was ready to pounce with all my “parenting wisdom” surrounding Christmas and she turned the tables on me and schooled me. Out of all the things she could have chosen to want for Christmas, what she really wanted was to spend time with me. Me.

It really and truly is not the gifts that matter, even to our children. Sure, they like a gift here and there, they are kids, after all. But, at the core of them, fellow parent, all they really want is time with us. They want to connect. They want our attention. They just want the ultimate gift; the gift of sincere, loving relationship. Coincidentally, that just so happens to be what the very first Christmas was rooted in, too.

I will still fight the battle against consumerism at Christmastime. I will continue to teach my children that it is better to give than to receive. But this year, too, I’m giving my daughter everything she asked for. Everything on her list: My time.
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This golden time of year

12/1/2015

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Image Courtesy Crista Ballard Photography 
Originally published in the December 2015 edition of 605 Magazine. 

Any mother will tell you that nighttime is the time when her thoughts are finally free to run wild. With all work put aside until sunrise, the children sleeping, and dishwasher most likely churning, a mother can finally be alone with her thoughts. This is the golden time when ideas are born, situations of the preceding day are solved and pondered, worries are stoked and set aflame, future plans are made, and in some cases, major world problems are solved. But, there are also nights when we just fall into bed as if we’ve been shot in the rear with a tranquilizer.

Either way -
whether it be through restful sleep or power activity - nighttime for mothers is something of a proverbial power hour.


And I am no exception. I am, admittedly, your extreme case of a night owl. Mornings? With the exception of a couple caffeine energy spikes, I’m practically sleep walking until mid-afternoon. But at night? Boy, oh boy, am I firing on all cylinders. And ever since I became a mother, being a night owl has really given me a leg up as nighttime is truly the only time I am efficient. If I play it right, I get more non-children related tasks done from 9 p.m. to midnight than I do during a whole week’s worth of daytime hours. I know…I’m odd. I think that’s been established.

But nighttime takes on a whole new feel around Christmastime. The already magical power hour, golden time of night becomes even more magical and golden for me. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it is the warming glow of the Christmas tree lights cutting through the dark that entrance me, or the thick anticipation of the season that makes me even more awake and energized. Or, maybe, it is just that the season is so fleeting and I want to stay up and soak it all in. Maybe it’s just all the dang sugar I helplessly consume. Whatever the case, Christmastime has me up late like a crazy insomniac.

This year, we are celebrating Christmas at my brother’s house in California. Since we won’t be here for the holiday, I minimized my house decorations and simply put up our Christmas tree. So, every night after my typical nighttime flurry of activity, I stay up late sitting next to the fully decorated tree reading, staring into space, and chatting with my fellow night owl husband. But tonight, as I write this, I looked down at the tree and realized there are no gifts. The few gifts that we did this year I sent on to California. So, we have no gifts under our tree. And I have to tell you, I realized how an empty tree is such a beautiful sight.

Because this season was never about what we put under the tree. It was never about what we put in our stockings or send on as gift cards. It was truly and simply about the gift of a life. A life that can be filled with joy and hope when sometimes it might feel like there is no joy and hope left. That is what is so magical and supernatural about this season and the reason I want to stay up even later into the night to enjoy it; this season is quite literally the gift of joy to the world.

So, many, many, many blessings to you, Dear Reader, this season and those that follow. And may you embrace and enjoy all this joyful life has to offer and stay up obnoxiously late doing so!
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why santa is not in our christmastime traditions

1/8/2015

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This article was originally published in the December 2014 edition of 605 Magazine. 

Oh sweet December, you have arrived. Your blustery winds, icy streets, and ethereal cascading snowfall all signify the beginning of an enchanting season. Christmastime. Just the mention of Christmas evokes deep-seated emotion for many of us as the holiday isn’t just gifts, warm red Starbucks cards, and catchy Christmas carols, but also a holiday that holds profound meaning. Some derive significance from the fact that historically the holiday marks the birth of Jesus Christ, others find meaning in the giving and hope of the season, and still others find meaning in the family traditions that draw their family together year after year.

For our small family of three and three-quarters (I always include our gigantic canine in our family count), the Christmas season is significant to us for all three reasons listed above. This year, however, as our daughter has reached a certain level of understanding, we realize that this is the year where she will really begin to understand and retain the traditions we establish.

Last year in this very column, I talked about today’s frenzied, commercialized version of Christmas and how I desperately wanted to embody and teach my daughter the opposite of “I want, I want, I want” not only during Christmastime, but throughout the whole year.

My husband and I have an ongoing conversation surrounding this topic and we have come to the conclusion that there are a few traditions we want to establish for our family when it comes to Christmastime. And one tradition that we have decided to leave out (brace yourselves ye Christmas lovers) is promoting the belief of Santa Claus to our children.

Imagine me ducking behind a snowy pine tree right now as I know some of you are throwing some serious “Bah! Humbug!” darts my way.

If you are, fear not. I throw no darts back at you. I absolutely understand that Santa Claus is fun and adds another element of magic to the holiday season.

But here’s the deal for me; Santa Claus is a fun story. Just like Frosty the Snowman, Snoopy, or Charlie Brown is a fun story. I will absolutely share the Santa story with my daughter and watch the timeless movies with her. The only difference is, I won’t pretend Santa really exists and go to extreme lengths to convince her of his existence only to one day have to convince her otherwise.

Instead, we have decided to make the season magical in other ways. One of them being, in lieu of making an exhaustive list of “wants”, why not let children make a list of a few top desires and then really place attention on the list of fun things they want to do for others? Then, come Christmas morning they have the joy of not only getting gifts but seeing how it feels to give. Ironically, the man Santa Claus is based on, Saint Nicholas did just that. After his wealthy parents died, Saint Nick spent his entire inheritance helping the needy by giving away much-needed gifts.

So, as the snow falls and the tree tops glisten this month of December, my desire is to conjure up the real magic of Christmas for me and my family. The magic in giving. The transformative act of sacrifice and the joy in hope this season brings. I pray the same for you. Merry Christmas!

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No Santa?!

12/1/2014

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Some of you may be here today because you read my recent article in 605 Magazine regarding our decision to leave out Santa Claus in our Christmastime family traditions. (Gasp!) Some of you agreed, some of you scoffed in dismay, and some of you just turned the page and didn't read it at all. Whatever camp you fall in, thank you for visiting me in this here cyber space!

This blog is a work in progress (obviously) and my hope is to one day not only post my thoughts, but thoughts of others. All that to say, I would love to hear from you. 

Once the December issue of 605 Mag is off the shelves, I will post the original article detailing why we have decided to not promote the belief in Santa Claus. But until then, I hope you come back and visit often as I will be regularly posting from here on out — well, as much as my Netflix addiction will allow. 

Thank you SO MUCH again for visiting and please don't hesitate to drop me a line!   
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Seeing Christmas in a new light

12/1/2013

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This article was originally published in the December 2013 of 605 Magazine

In America, Christmas gift-giving can in a lot of ways be characterized by one word: Frantic. Think about it; all across the country people are waiting in frantic lines at frantic stores buying gifts from frantic employees. Then they drive home in frantic traffic, frantically wrap the presents, only to be opened by another frantic person on December 25th.

I feel frantic just thinking about it. 

And somehow I don't think they had frantic in mind when Christmastime was dubbed the most wonderful time of the year.

Now, lest you be misled, I must first say that overall, I LOVE the holiday season. I LOVE Christmas. I also love giving gifts; especially to my daughter. (And hello, who doesn't love self-giving). But this year, my husband and I are approaching a stage with our daughter where she is actually starting to understand this whole gift concept -- as opposed to simply trying to choke on the wrapping paper like last year. And because of her enlightenment, I am looking at Christmas in a whole new light as well. 

What does all this frenzied holiday brouhaha say to our little ones about Christmas and the true spirit of giving? How can we teach her it's not just about getting everything you want around the Christmas tree? And how do we do this when society shouts otherwise and even her semi-perfect parents are prone to getting sucked into the Christmas buying vortex? (Just ... can't .... stop .... clicking .... and ....buying ... Amazon Prime ... free shipping ... ). 

There have been a lot of parenting blogs circulating around cyber space regarding similar topics. Some parents have suggested giving away a toy in order to receive any new toys for Christmas. Some have suggested having a limit to the things they can put on their "list". Some have suggested throwing out the list completely. And still others suggest throwing out the gifts completely and giving their children an experience such as a trip or adventure versus a tangible gift.

I have to say these are all good thoughts. Well done thou parents of cyber space!

I'm going to take this a step further though. There is a popular saying that was first muttered by a man named Jesus who, coincidentally, is the guy who is said to have kicked off this whole Christmas thing, and he said; "Don't value and hoard things that can be destroyed by things like rats or fire, but instead store up where they cannot be destroyed; in heaven." 

No matter where you fall with how you feel about this Jesus character, I think we can all agree that's pretty sound advice. Things break. Things get stolen. Things get lost. Things burn up. So, instead of getting all frantic and placing the utmost value about the stuff around the Christmas tree that will likely be destroyed someday (in our case by a 150-pound dog or bolting toddler), maybe we want to get crazy about the stuff that will truly last forever.   

My daughter is only two right now. And I don't think she is going to grasp this concept right away. Let's face it, I have seen how greed can body-snatch my hazel-eyed, angel princess and turn her into a snarling, gnashing green-eyed monster. Mind you, again, she's only two. And all of us at any age have that same greedy monster. (Think 50-percent-off-boots-with-free-shipping type greed. Mmm. Mmm. Exactly).

So, my challenge for myself as a parent is to not feed that already powerful green-eyed monster that is waiting to body snatch us all. Especially not at Christmastime.

As I was writing this, I remembered a friend that accomplished this beautifully with her kids. Her question to them when Christmas came around was not "what do you want for Christmas?" It was, "what would you like to GIVE or DO for someone for Christmas?" The emphasis was never on what they received rather it was on what they gave. 

Poof. My mind was sufficiently blown. 

This is Christmastime come to reality. Gift-giving not out of obligation or the expectation of something in return. And gift-giving of one's self; not purchased from a frantic place, from a frantic employee, or out of a frantic heart. Sincere giving mirrored after the very first Christmas story. 

This is the type of giving I want desperately to teach my daughter and by teaching I mean showcase it in myself.  The true sacrificial giving that has the ability to take the frantic right out of Christmas and put the wonderful, beautiful part right back in. 
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